48 Things About Me That You Did Not Know

(c) 2009 Grant Maloy Smith

The last one of these was 25 questions. Now 48 questions. At this rate, we will end up spending all our time just writing these lists!

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My name was just made up to protect my real identity as Batman. Oh crap, I revealed it!
Grrr

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Perhaps when I saw that I had to write 48 things about myself.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Only on Tuesdays. It's a long story.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Cat

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Oh NOW I remember the last time I cried...

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Absolutely not. I am an idiot.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
No, but sarcasm uses ME... as its unholy instrument on earth.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes, in a jar by my bed.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Only from the bed to the floor.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Purina Liva-snaps

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
I only wear swim fins

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
The one with the cake next to it

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Their belly buttons. Open your shirt, please.

15. RED OR PINK?
Are you referring to my nose? That was rude of you!

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
My lack of a sense of humor

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Nixon. God he was sweet.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
Only interesting people.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
What makes you think I am wearing pants? But my swim fins are black.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Someone is typing. Oh, it's me.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Flesh. What else could you be? Do you want to be purple or something? What a weirdo.

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Diesel exhaust from a bus belching by in Times Square, as an unwashed homeless guy falls against me and breathes right into my face asking for money...
Or perhaps new mown hay in that big green field behind the little white church.
Oh, I can't decide.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
It was a wrong number, but she sounded really nice. I think she was Indian.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Midget basketball. They try so hard!

27. HAIR COLOR?
Let's not go there, pal.

28. EYE COLOR?
One is blue and the other one is undecided.

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Only in my eyes.

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Buffalo wings. It is amazing that those huge animals can fly. But I am glad they can, because they are so tasty!

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
I like happy movies with scary endings.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Flipper III

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Clear

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Right now? Well above the equator it is Winter. Below it, it is Summer.
Is that a trick question or something?
You need to read more books.

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
No thanks - maybe later.

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Someone with a pulse and a computer, and way too much time on their hands.

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Any one of those idiots in Washington DC.

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
"The Audacity of Spending the Country into 1000 Years of Debt"
It's a real page-turner.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
I cannot reveal that.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
I did not watch anything last night, because The Munsters are on hiatus.

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S)?
Armpit whistling.

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Well, if I want a hotel room trashed, I will go to the Stones.
But if I want to listen to some actual music with a melody, I would choose the Beatles.

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Cranston. Oh, no, I went to Japan once. Is that farther?

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Yes, I can whistle from my armpit.
Wanna hear GIMME SHELTER? There's no melody so it's easy.

46 WHERE WERE U BORN?
Is there a reason why, after asking me 46 questions, that you cannot be bothered to write "YOU" but shortened it to "U" ? Will that really speed up this questionnaire? REALLY?
But if you must know, I was born in Gotham City.

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
I would love to see answers from anyone who is willing to make the investment of time to spell out the entire word "YOU."

48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
We were co-workers, carving meat in a slaughterhouse in the south side of Chicago. Suddenly, our blades accidentally touched, and the rest was all magic. I lost part of a finger and it knocked the color out of one of my eyes, but it was worth it.